God Bless the Irish for keeping us young

I tink Paddy's me uncle frm me pa's grans uncle daughter's oh bugger!!!!!!! I'm related 2 Paddy & Mick!!!

Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even at home yesterday. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?. Paddy replies - I'm gunna take her with me! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy goes to America for the 1st time, walking up 5th Avenue . He sees a building on fire and rushes over to see people stuck at the 4th floor windows. He shouts up , - I'm Paddy John Dara O'Neill, an Irish rugby player, jump and I'll catch ya.- A girl jumps out and Paddy catches her, a guy jumps and Paddy gets him too. Then a black guy jumps and Paddy lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up. Come on now folks, there's no point throwing down the burnt ones!! -------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".... Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station. Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine." -------------------------- END -------------------------------------